Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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