Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
