at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
