Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You are a genius and a whore.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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