new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Life is so much better after having sex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
