Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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