brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
