Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We are two peas in an std pod
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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