i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
