Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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