3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
