hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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