What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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