i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
