I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
