brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
