i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
True strength comes from lack of pants
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
