Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
