I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
