i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
