I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
