i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
