arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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