You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize