You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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