as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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