do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
