She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
