I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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