Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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