Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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