Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
