dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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