I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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