ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
