She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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