We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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