You just made me feel so damn special
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
