I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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