Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
