he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
