OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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