i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
