i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
