I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
