no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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