I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just cropdusted the office
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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