Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
