butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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