This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize