You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
