I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
