I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
