here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
