where am i from again
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
