I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
