that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
