Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
