I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My friends, they love my intelligence
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
