dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize