My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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