Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
