um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
