She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
