I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
NoShamevember. You game?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
