I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize