I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
