pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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