Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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