Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
